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  • D. G. Martin

A Clue to the Conclusion


A white card with "you're welcome." written on it.
Copyright means I can't use the picture I want here, but what can I say, except...

In 1985, audiences were delighted by a charming romantic comedy romp that featured three different theatrical endings. This campy approach to figuring out the end of the murder mystery movie legend left movie goers who saw it in different theaters and at different times puzzled at what the real ending could have been.


The Clue DVD, I am told, finally settled that dispute by picking one of the endings and calling it the "canon" ending (did the VHS not settle this, too?).


Don't misunderstand me here. What I mean by "I am told" is not that I haven't seen said amazing achievement of motion picture greatness. Quite the contrary. I have seen it many times, and each time I love trying to notice something differently or catch a clue (sorry, I had to) that I didn't see before.


No, "I am told" means that the DVD apparently put to rest the argument about how many bullets were fired from the revolver. That's what everyone really needed to know. Who cares who the real bad guy was? We needed to know if the revolver would go BANG one more time or not.


And that's kinda where we are with STAR WARS at this point. Is there one more round in the cylinder? Will it go BANG one last time? Or are the cartridges spent, and the only treat for us in December is a resounding and echoing *click*?


Much like Clue, the rumor is that JJ has tried out as many as seven different endings with test audiences.


If even half that number is true, I think we're in for...well, it's going to be a shame.


That's what made me think of Clue. JJ is approaching this all wrong. He needs to actually finish five or six of the possible endings and send them all out at random all over the place. Then, when massive hysteria and confusion hits the streets after opening night, he can sit back and let the public figure out which ending is the best, real ending to the Skywalker Saga.


There. I fixed it. You're welcome, JJ. You're welcome, Lucasfilm. You're welcome, Disney.


And most of all, you're welcome, fans.


Let the STAR WARS Wars begin.



D.G.



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