• D. G. Martin

Bragging Rights

A gerbil.
This is a gerbil, right?

“You should listen to what I have to say about gerbils.”

“Okay, but why?”

“I have a Master’s Degree in Gerbils.”

“Oh, cool. That must be a fascinating field. So in college did you study gerbils?”

“Well, I read a lot of books about them, and I dissected one in a lab once, and I watched these two really horny gerbils get it on one time, and….”

“Sounds like you really know a lot about gerbils.”

“Oh, I know EVERYTHING about gerbils because of my Master’s Degree in Gerbils. I also did my undergrad in Pre-Gerbil.”

“And you went to Brown?”

“Yes, for undergrad.”

“They have an undergrad program in Pre-Gerbil at Brown?”

“Oh, yes, and it was the best experience of my life. Gerbils every day. Gerbils in the morning, Gerbils in the afternoon. My whole life was gerbils for like 8 years.”

“So tell me about your field work.”

“My field work?”

“Yes, tell me about getting down in the dirt, out in the wild, and working with gerbils in real environments.”

“Oh, well, we never really went out into the wilderness or anything, but I sure did learn everything there was to learn about gerbils.”

“Wait. So you studied gerbils for 8 years….in a lab setting?”

“Well, yeah. It’s the safest environment for all involved, especially the cute, little Gerbils.”

“Captive animals. In cages. That was your whole college experience that prepared you for being an expert in gerbils?”

“Is there any other way to do it?”

“I have to admit, I’m a little surprised that you didn’t do any field work with the gerbils.”

“That’s just not how college is done.”

“So, how do you know that you will be able to serve us with our gerbil needs?”

“Well, because I have a Master’s Degree in Gerbils.”


“From Johns Hopkins.”

“Get out.”

Image from here.

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